Best practices for long distance relationships

Are you about to embark on a long-distance relationship and wondering if it can last? As a licensed Gottman couples therapist, I can assure you that there are many things you can do to make sure that your relationship can sustain distance while remaining strong and healthy.

Let me tell you about a couple I worked with recently. They were once deeply in love, but distance made them struggle. The partner who was away started to feel overwhelmed and anxious when her calls and messages weren't returned as quickly as she'd hoped. Negative thoughts started to fill her head, and they came out as criticism, causing her partner to feel offended and escalate fights with counter-criticism. The few times that they talked on the phone resulted in arguments, and they started to feel emotionally and physically disconnected.

Fortunately, the couple reached out for couples therapy, and we began working on repairing the damage while creating a new foundation for the relationship to succeed with distance. We focused on improving communication, learning how to repair damage and share struggles in a non-critical, non-defensive way. We also talked about maintaining a routine and scheduling regular check-ins, whether through phone, text, or FaceTime, to stay connected.

Initially, one of them was hesitant to adopt a more structured approach, but they soon realized the benefits of these routines, feeling closer to each other, even if they were miles apart. They also found that their conversations flowed more naturally, and the fights didn't go off the handle as much. By recommitting to each other and deciding on expectations, they were able to work towards a shared goal and celebrate their success together.

If you're in or about to embark on a long-distance relationship, I recommend revisiting why you're doing this, how long you expect it to last, and how you can maintain rituals for connection. This way, you can avoid feeling like less of a priority to your partner and remain focused on what's most important - your love for each other.

Click on the bottom link to watch our latest video on this full topic in detail, with our Director and Gottman-Trained therapist at Couples Counseling ATL, Stephanie Cook, where they explain everything in further detail!

Finally, stay tuned these next couple of weeks to learn more about different upcoming topics!