Discernment Counseling

A Different Approach for Couples on the Brink of Divorce or Separation

"Discernment counseling" is a smart option for you and your spouse before you make a final decision about separation or divorce. For example, if one of you wants to preserve and fix the marriage and the other is leaning more towards ending it, discernment counseling is a good option. This kind of couple with different agendas is common among couples approaching divorce, and there are certainly not enough specialized services for them.

This mixed dynamic is common in couples counseling, which usually makes couples counseling futile if we try to work on a marriage that one or both people aren't even sure they want to fix. Discernment counseling differs from regular marriage counseling in some of the following ways:

  • Together, we aren't trying to solve the problems in your marriage yet... we are just trying to figure out whether the problems can be solved. Just as you might consult with a physician for their medical opinion on the possible course of treatment for an illness, we would help you in the discernment counseling process to determine whether or not the problems in your marriage are deadly to your marriage, or if there's a way to repair the marriage.

  • We mainly have conversations alone--just you and the counselor, or the counselor and your partner--since each of you may have different needs and agendas.

  • Discernment counseling is time-limited (1-5 sessions, max, with each session being 1.5 -2 hours).

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What Are The Goals Of Discernment Counseling?

  • Clarity about the relationship (what may have gone wrong, what you want, what to do next based on what you want)

  • Confidence about the next steps for your relationship

  • Understanding better (what has happened to your relationship and what each of you have done to contribute to the problems)

This type of counseling focuses on helping each of you move towards one of three possible paths:

  1. End the relationship... you both decide to move forward towards separation or divorce

  2. Commit to a six-month period of time to for an all-out effort in couples counseling (and sometimes some other services, too) to preserve your marriage

  3. Stick with the status quo and decide later. Sometimes there are multiple other factors that make it nearly impossible to move forward, towards reconciliation or towards separation or divorce.

In our discernment sessions, each of you will meet to talk with a counselor alone, and you both will also get together with the counselor afterwards to discuss what each of you is learning in our conversations alone. We will always respect your reasons for ending your relationship while also opening up the possibility of restoring the relationship to health. We believe that it's not over 'til it's over, so if you decide to fix things, we would be happy to help you. Likewise, if you decide that it's over, we will respect your individual prerogative to end the relationship.

No matter what, we will help both of you see your own individual contributions to the problems and the possible solutions. Understanding your own contribution(s) to the problems is really important, especially if you want to have any successful relationships in the future.

We consider Discernment counseling "successful" when both people feel like they have found 1) clarity and 2) confidence in their decision (even if it is painful) and 3) they more fully understand what has happened in their relationship that has made them get to this point.

What Does Discernment Counseling Include?

How Many Sessions Are There?

Discernment counseling can be as brief as one session and as long as five sessions. We limit it to five sessions because that is all it should take, and if you need more time, you probably need further individual therapy, not discernment counseling with your spouse, to work through your own ambivalence. Each of you decide each session whether to come back for another session or not, but both of you have to be willing to come to schedule another session. The sessions are always longer, nearly 2 hours (110 minutes).

WE DO NOT PERMIT DISCERNMENT COUNSELING WHEN:

  1. One of you has already made an final decision to end the relationship and only wants counseling to encourage the other spouse accept that decision.

  2. One of you is coercing the other to participate via threats of any kind.

  3. There is a danger of domestic violence or physical harm.

  4. When there is an Order of Protection from a court.

IMPORTANT LEGAL NOTE - NO COURT INVOLVEMENT PERMITTED

All couples who enter discernment couples therapy sign a binding legal agreement that they understand that all records are the property of Couples Counseling ATL, and that by entering Discernment Counseling, they are in agreement that they will not request any records, nor will they ask any of our therapists to be involved in any future court proceedings.

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Statement of Our Principles

What we believe about divorce:

  • Divorce is usually an attempt to solve a problem that people think can’t be solved in any other way.

  • Some divorces are necessary in order to prevent further harm in a destructive relationship.

  • Some divorces are ultimately unavoidable because one party decides on divorce despite the wishes of the other party.

  • Some people behave destructively enough over a long time that they lose their claim on their spouse’s commitment.

  • However, many of today’s divorces could be prevented if both parties took steps to work on their marriage before it was too late.

What we believe about marriage:

  • Healthy, life-long marriage has unique value for individuals, families and communities.

  • Life-long commitment is especially difficult in today’s throwaway culture.

  • Children have an important stake in the health and endurance of their parents’ marriage.

  • Marital commitment brings obligations to work on a troubled marriage before giving up.

What we believe about healing:

  • Human beings have the capacity to move past anxiety, distrust, and hostility and relate to each other from our highest selves.

  • Restoring a marriage must not come at the expense of one of the partners. Love and fairness must go hand in hand.

  • The key is whether both spouses want to restore the marriage to health.

  • When both spouses devote themselves fully and with proper help to restoring their marriage to health, they can usually make it.

Frequently Asked Questions

  • We have a range of fees based on clinician experience levels, ranging from $130 - 400 per 45 minute individual session or 80 minute couples session, to several thousand dollars for multi-day “marathon” style intensives for couples. Please click on the link below to schedule a free call with any of our therapists to answer your questions and decide which therapist would work best for you.

    SCHEDULE A FREE CALL

    Likewise, feel free to email us at info@CounselingATL.com and we will get back to you asap!

    Payment is due at time of service, and online storage of credit card information for automatic, recurring processing is the required payment method. We accept debit/credit cards (Visa, Mastercard, Discover and American Express) and many HSA cards are accepted, but you will need to verify that your account has sufficient funds prior to meeting with us.

    Please note that 48 hour advance cancellation of scheduled appointments is required in order to avoid being charged for the full session fee.

    We believe that therapy is an important decision and investment of time and money; you want to make sure you are making the right choice. Having a "good fit" between a client and therapist is critical for a successful outcome. This is why we offer a free 30 minute initial phone or video consultation if you would like to meet any of us before deciding whether or not you would like to work with us. Here are some tips for choosing the right therapist.

    Also, if you cannot afford our services, are not able to see a counselor in-network with your insurance company, or need low fee counseling services, please consider contacting one of the training facilities, community counseling centers or educational institutions in Georgia we’ve compiled on this list. Although we are not able to see every couple at a reduced cost, your ability to afford treatment should never be a barrier to getting help, and thankfully there are many privately and publicly funded agencies that can help!

    LEARN MORE ABOUT LOW-COST COUNSELING SERVICES FROM PRIVATE AND PUBLICLY FUNDED AGENCIES

  • YOUR INDIVIDUAL INSURANCE PLAN DETERMINES WHAT YOU MAY BE REIMBURSED

    You will need to call your insurance and provide them with the license / degree of your chosen therapist and to ask if they will reimburse you for couples therapy.

    Click on the following to see this helpful worksheet; when calling your insurance company to see about the possible costs of working with us:

    WORKSHEET FOR INSURANCE REIMBURSEMENT

  • To view our current workshops, please click HERE.

  • To learn more about Gottman Couples Therapy, please check out our page.

  • Yes, we offer premarital counseling! Visit our page to see if it’s right for you.

  • We offer individual counseling to support you on your journey.

    Learn more about our services by visiting our page.

  • Here is a list of our current support groups that we offer.

  • Discernment counseling can help you on the right path in making this decision. Learn more about whether this type of counseling is right for you.

  • We offer two convenient locations in Poncey Highlands and Buckhead.

    Learn more about our locations here.