Navigating In-Law Challenges: Protecting Your Relationship
When you get married, you're not just marrying your partner, you’re also blending into a new family, and sometimes that comes with tension. From unsolicited advice to boundary-crossing, in-laws can unintentionally strain a relationship. Research shows that conflicts with in-laws can predict marital dissatisfaction.
Imagine this…
Emily and Ben sat in their living room, tension hanging in the air. Emily’s phone buzzed again, her mother calling for the third time that day. Ben sighed heavily.
“Are you going to answer?” he asked, his voice tinged with frustration.
Emily bit her lip. “I know she’s overbearing, but she’s my mom, Ben. And she's been through such a hard year since she retired. I don’t know how to tell her to back off without hurting her.”
“She just showed up last weekend unannounced—again! We had plans, Emily. And I don’t feel like this is our house anymore,” Ben said, his voice rising. “I’m constantly on edge, wondering when she’ll barge in next.”
“I know,” Emily whispered, tears welling up in her eyes. “I feel trapped between you and her.”
Ben ran his hands through his hair. “I love you, but this... it’s driving me crazy. We need to do something, or it’s going to break us.”
There was a long silence before Emily finally said, “Maybe we should get help... therapy?”
Ben looked at her, surprised. “You’d be okay with that?”
“I think we need it. I don’t want to keep fighting, and I don’t want to lose us over this.”
A few weeks later, they found themselves in my office. They explained how overwhelmed they felt by Emily’s mother’s constant interference, how it was driving a wedge between them.
I listened carefully, then said, “It sounds like you two need to set boundaries, but the key is to set those together. You'll be a united front, but Emily will be the one to communicate the boundary with her mom.”
The advice hit them like a revelation. They’d never truly approached the issue as a team, and hadn't really set any clear boundaries with the mom to put their family first. Emily was always left to handle the delicate balance on her own, leaving her to feel like the go between, losing with both her mom and her husband.
I helped them learn how to set clear boundaries with her that were kind but firm, and that prioritized them as a family first. As her daughter, she's less likely to hold a grudge towards you than if it were with her son in law.
Over the next few weeks, Emily and Ben practiced the new skills they’d learned. They felt closer after hearing each other, slowing down, and connecting emotionally as they both felt better understood, valued and respected.
Though it wasn’t always easy, they started to feel the weight lift from their relationship. They weren’t perfect, and there were still challenges, but through therapy, they had learned to set boundaries, communicate effectively, and most importantly, protect what mattered most—their relationship.
Some strategies to manage difficult in-laws include:
Present a United Front: You and your partner need to discuss boundaries privately first. Then, together, present those boundaries to your in-laws. It's about supporting each other and staying aligned.
Set Clear Boundaries: Calmly communicate limits with your in-laws, whether it’s about visits, phone calls, or other interactions. If they don’t respect those boundaries, further limit their involvement in your life.
Manage Expectations: Understand that changing your in-laws' behavior may not be possible. Accepting them for who they are and controlling your reactions can lead to more peace.
Don’t Take it Personally: Their actions often stem from their own insecurities, not something you did wrong. Remember that you're not at fault for their behavior.
Seek Professional Help: A therapist can help navigate tricky family dynamics, build healthy communication skills, and keep your marriage strong despite external stress.
In the end, your primary loyalty is to your partner and marriage. It's okay to set boundaries to protect your relationship and to walk away from disrespect. Prioritizing your well-being is essential, and standing up for yourself and your partner is crucial in maintaining a healthy and balanced relationship.
If you ever feel overwhelmed, professional support is available at Couples Counseling ATL to help you strengthen your bond and find peace within your family relationships.
