The Secret All Couples Can Learn from Intercultural Relationships

Hey there, this is Matthew Richardson, Gottman couples therapist at Couples Counseling ATL!

Have you ever thought about what we can learn from intercultural relationships? Even if we don't think our own relationship is intercultural, the truth is, all relationships are!

Let me share a story with you. Recently, I was working with a lovely couple who came to me for communication issues. What's fascinating about them is that they're an intercultural couple. Let's call them Jack and Jill to keep things private. Jack is from one country, and Jill is from another, each with its own unique culture. Because they recognize their different backgrounds, they're having basic conversations in couples therapy about expectations, like how they express love and what certain behaviors mean to them.

For instance, Jill told Jack that she needs him to say "I love you" more because it makes her feel safe. But Jack explained that in his culture, those words are said very differently and infrequently. It's like saying "I adore you" or "you mean everything to me." This helped Jill understand that Jack's way of showing love was different, not absent.

This got me thinking: the skills these intercultural couples practice—like having open conversations about expectations and considering how their partner's upbringing may influence their perspective—are beneficial for all couples.

Even if we're from the same culture, we might not know what our partner's family culture was like. Were hugs common? Was there sarcasm or constant interruptions during conversations? Understanding these differences can prevent misunderstandings and arguments.

So, how can we avoid these pitfalls? Like Jack and Jill, we can have conversations about our expectations and embrace our differences as part of what makes our partner unique. Let's approach our relationships as opportunities to learn, grow, and create a shared culture together.By navigating these differences with curiosity and understanding, we can deepen our love and strengthen our bond.

Watch our latest video, where our Gottman couples therapist Matthew Richardson, explains in detail!