New Year New Relationship Goals
Happy New Year! With the new year comes a fresh start and an opportunity to make some changes. If you’re not feeling like you’re getting what you want from your relationship, there are a few things that can help. In this blog post, we will discuss three tips that will optimize your marriage in 2022 and beyond!
1. Talk Openly and Honestly About Your Feelings
It’s easy to get caught up in work, childcare, and other responsibilities as adults and lose sight of why we married our partners in the first place. If you’re feeling irritated, disconnected, or lie, take some time to talk openly and honestly about your feelings. This can help you get on the same page and figure out a path forward that works for both of you.
Taking time to have more intimate, personal conversation, where you’re more open about your inner world, feelings, experiences, hopes, fears, etc., are what best friendships and lovers and long-lasting marriages are always made of. Remember when you first fell in love? When you talked until 2am and couldn’t wait to learn more about them, ask more, share more, and the conversations made you were meant to be together? Getting back to that is essential to creating a better relationship this year.
2. Be more understanding and less judgmental.
This is a tough one, but it’s important.
Start by looking at your partner through an open mind. What was that sound? It was your mind closing…
So try to let go of the judgmental stink eye. The glare. Maybe even the eye-rolling. Remember that whatever their faults, that you’re no cake walk, either. Everyone is difficult to live with (you included!) So take a big bite of humble pie (mmm mmm!) this year, which won’t ruin any health goals!
Ask yourself what you appreciate about them or why they are good for you instead of tearing someone down with criticism when things get difficult. Write it down, and ask yourself if it’s kind and necessary to say, before saying it. If not, sleep on it and let your hot head cool down. Remember that being human means having flaws and everyone has the capacity to be selfless (or selfish), and we all deserve kindness even when we’ve made mistakes.
3. Make time for each other, even if it’s just 10 minutes a day to have fun.
What’s the best part of your day? Do that with them. If you don’t know, ask them! As simple as it is, a daily ritual for “checking in”, when done earnestly and not robotically, shows interest and that you still care more about this person than anyone else in the world.
Instead of the “groundhog day” experience that much of this last year has been for so many, with evenings full of endless scrolling of social media, or binging a tv show, or reading a book all by yourself, 1) do the “solo” stuff together or 2) try something new together. The key word is together.
So invite them to do something new with you, silly, serious, or whatever you’ve always wanted to try or miss doing. Pull out an old board game, try that new tik tok dance (even if you never share it!), or pick up an old house project you’ve been meaning to finish (the one you’ve been ignoring), but do it together. Do chores together but try to joke around and make each other laugh.
If you are exhausted, and feeling burned piece of toast by the end of the day, anything interactive may feel impossible. So start with small steps, like turning towards them instead of isolating and withdrawing. Without talking, you can ask for connection by writing “help me, please?” and sliding it to your partner on a piece of a napkin at dinner. When they ask how, write down a suggestion, like “massage my back, please?” or something else small but meaningful to you.
You Don't Have To Do This Alone
And if all this sounds overwhelming, reach out! We offer couples counseling services online from anywhere in Georgia or in person at two Atlanta locations. We know exactly how difficult these resolutions can be, and you don’t have to do them alone. Call 678-999-3390 to get started!
Couples Workshops Can Be Part of Your Goal
Every year, we host couples workshops designed to strengthen your marriage or committed relationship. If you already have a strong relationship, this experience together will provide you with insights and tools to make it even better. If your relationship is distressed, this class will provide a road map for repair. Finally, if you're just starting out together, whether you're engaged, considering commitment, etc., this can be the foundation for your future together. Learn more and register here:
Stephanie Cook
Stephanie Cook, LCSW, is an expert relationship counselor with 15 years of clinical experience and the first certified Gottman Couples Therapist in the state of Georgia. She has been intensively trained in every offered training in the Gottman Couples Therapy Method and Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT) as well as the additional Gottman Method Trainings for Couples regarding Addiction Recovery, Infidelity, Trauma/PTSD, and Domestic Violence. She has also been trained in the PREPARE-ENRICH model of premarital counseling as well as the Discernment Method of counseling couples on the brink of divorce or separation. Stephanie has been teaching as a certified Gottman Seven Principles Program Educator for six years and is the founder and Executive Director of Couples Counseling ATL, the only Gottman method couples therapy center in the Southeast, with 5 full time couples therapists serving couples 7 days per week. She lives in Atlanta with her family, including her amazing husband and their two energetic young sons. Pandemic aside, she enjoys karaoke parties with her neighborhood friends in Grant Park, watching stand-up and improvisational comedy, family bike rides on her souped-up electric radwagon, which her husband calls "her hog", dancing, and general banter and philosophizing on the porch with her husband.
