The Hidden Dangers of Name Calling in Relationships
Imagine this: You’re really sick with the flu. You feel awful and just want your partner’s help. Maybe a hug or some kind words. But instead, they say, “Oh great, here we go again. The drama queen is sick.” Ouch! Words can hurt more than sticks and stones, especially when they come from someone you love.Name calling is a form of emotional abuse that can leave lasting scars.
At Couples Counseling ATL, where I am the Executive Director and a Licensed Therapist, we see how much name calling can hurt relationships. Statistics don’t lie, and there is a deeper impact to name calling. Studies show it goes beyond just hurt feelings.
A 2021 survey by the Gottman Institute found that 63% of couples who often called each other names ended up divorcing or separating. That’s a big number.
Research from the University of Alberta shows that being called names can make your body feel stressed and weak. The very person you need support from can make you feel even worse.
Most people think of name calling as obvious insults like “lazy” or “stupid,” but it can be more subtle. Here are some less obvious ways your partner might be hurting you with words:
Sarcasm: A joking comment can become hurtful when said in a mean way.
Fake Compliments: “Oh, you look great for your age.” This suggests you don’t look good otherwise.
Mean Nicknames: Names like “grumpy pants” or “space cadet” might seem funny, but they hurt your feelings over time.
How to Start Healing
If you are experiencing name calling in your relationship, know that this is unacceptable and that this is contempt—the number one predictor of divorce and breakups. It’s when someone acts like they are better than you and puts you down. Here are some steps to start healing:
Identify It: Recognize that name calling is emotional abuse.
Set Boundaries: Tell your partner that this behavior is not okay. “You can’t talk to me like that.”
Get Help: Couples therapy can teach you and your partner how to talk to each other in a kind and respectful way.
Couples Therapy Can Help
It’s important to understand how hurt feelings from past incidents can hold you back. If you or your partner have trouble moving forward, couples therapy can help. Don’t let name calling and other forms of emotional abuse define your relationship. At Couples Counseling ATL, we offer in-person sessions in the Atlanta area and virtual therapy across GA and Colorado. We’d love to help you build a stronger, healthier relationship!
*Important note: Not all contempt can be changed with a simple conversation; sometimes, you need a therapist's help, and sometimes it cannot be helped in a therapist's office if it is abuse and one person does not have the desire to change. Many of you reading this are wondering what to do about your own relationship. Wondering if there’s hope or help if you're possibly in an abusive relationship. There always is. Visit the National Domestic Violence hotline website https://www.thehotline.org/
