Healing After Betrayal: When Words Become Weapons
The aftermath of betrayal can be devastating. When you find out your partner has cheated, it feels like the world has turned upside down. Trust is shattered, and a flood of emotions, such as anger, hurt, and disbelief, overwhelms you. You might feel an intense urge to lash out and call them names. You are not alone in feeling this way!
At Couples Counseling ATL, where I am the Executive Director and a Licensed Therapist, we see this scenario often. A 2020 study by the Healthy Marriage Resource Center found that 70% of couples experiencing infidelity also experience verbal aggression. But here’s the surprising truth: name calling and emotional abuse only make things worse.
Imagine Sarah, who has just discovered her husband’s affair. She’s curled up on the couch, crying, feeling the fresh wound of betrayal. In her pain, she suddenly starts hurling insults at her husband. Each word is a desperate attempt to show her pain, but it also pushes him further away and makes healing seem impossible. ("You're such an a**hole!" "F*ck you for doing this to me! You Piece of sh*t!")
Emotional abuse after betrayal can appear in many ways:
Constant Accusations and Blame: “I know you’re still cheating. Are you still talking to them? You don’t care about me.” This kind of talk keeps you stuck in the past and stops any chance of communication and healing.
Minimizing the Hurt: Phrases like “It wasn’t that big of a deal” from either partner pretend the pain isn’t real, which prevents closure.
Withholding Affection: One minute you’re angry, the next you want to feel close. Stopping yourself from showing affection can make the situation worse.
The desire to hurt back is normal, but healing needs a different approach. While the urge for revenge is understandable, it doesn’t help. Betrayal shatters your sense of security and self-worth, but responding with emotional abuse only deepens the divide and makes it harder for the relationship to heal.
Whether you choose to stay in the relationship or not, you deserve to heal. Inflicting further pain will only make it less likely that you’ll ever feel close again. Even if your partner betrayed you, emotional abuse is never okay.
Rebuilding after infidelity is possible, and you are not alone in your struggle. If bitterness, rage, and emotional abuse are blocking your path to healing, couples therapy can help. At Couples Counseling ATL, we offer therapy sessions in person in Atlanta and virtually for couples in GA and Colorado.
We help couples deal with the aftermath of betrayal by teaching them:
How to regulate emotions
How to express anger without causing more damage
Basic communication skills
Rebuilding trust and intimacy
A compassionate and respectful approach is key to rebuilding your relationship or navigating a healthy separation if that’s what you decide.
