Self Care, Setting Boundaries
Work environment, family environment, and taking care of yourself! I know since the pandemic started, people have changed to virtual, trying to navigate home life with work-life (maybe having kids yelling in the background). I would like to talk to you today about self-care and setting boundaries. It’s something we often see with our couples. There is fatigue, people are struggling in lots of different ways and most people think that they don’t have time for self-care. They believe self-care is a luxury, that it always costs money.
It’s important for mental health, when people start to get overwhelmed or they don’t have a structure to the different aspects of their lives, they get overwhelmed, burn out, struggle with depression, etc. One of the biggest things is, that even if you don’t have a massive budget, just take some time during lunch break, take a walk outside, and get fresh air. I encourage couples to take some time to bring some playfulness, a little bit of adventure, laughter (not just on Netflix), maybe throwing a frisbee at one another, etc. Having this playfulness and being silly, can help couples to decompress. There are other couples that take a warm bubble bath, and shower, to get into that mindset of washing away work, being a parent, whatever the case is. And learning how to connect as a couple
If it’s work, you can take time to put away technology while you have dinner, set boundaries where you don’t check emails or phone calls, and stop at a certain time just for family time. Being more structured with a schedule. It doesn’t have to be a boring routine, just by trying to do one thing at a time, not letting work bleed into your home life, saying NO a little bit more. Put your phone, work, social media, and friends away, and be more present with your spouse and kids.
WHAT IS HARD FOR MOST PEOPLE WHEN THEY ARE FIRST STARTING TO SET SOME BOUNDARIES?
They tell themselves they “can’t” take that time because they are too busy, and they have to get projects done. Another thing is, people might feel “guilty” for taking some time. If they sit down for a minute and take a cup of coffee, they feel guilty because they should be doing something. We live in a culture that is "go go go go go”. But we are human beings, we need rest, you might be experiencing burnout or denial. Most of the high expectations we set ourselves are fictional, most of us do have the ability to say No more often, and carve out more rest and play in order to have a better quality of life. Most importantly, a better connection with our spouse and family.
WHAT ARE SMALL BABY STEPS THAT PEOPLE CAN TAKE?
One of the biggest things I encourage couples is to look at their day and be more intentional about their time. Something I do is plan out my day the day before so I know what that day and time are going to look like, that helps for me to say No when things are coming. That helps relieve some of that resentment. Ex; If I get an unexpected call from someone asking to meet I can just answer I can meet between this and this time, this helps me be more intentional with my time. It’s not that you can’t help out your family or friends, but you are going to have some room schedule for that help time.
We often see a lot of burnout, especially in women, due to the “superhero syndrome”. This is wanting to be everything for everyone all the time, always on call; having that mentality of always saying yes, never saying no, is the fastest way to burnout. Letting yourself say no, having designated times to offer help. Sometimes it’s hard, but turning off your phone when you go on that walk, being present for a little while. Some people have a little more access pass (like your spouse or kids). But you don’t need to be on call for everyone. It’s important to set some boundaries and carve out time for self-care.
A book I really like that came out recently, is called “Set Boundaries, Find Peace” by Dr. Nedra Tawwab, it helps a lot of people if you are struggling with boundaries! It’s okay to take time for yourself, I know a lot of people might frown at you, but at the same time give yourself some compassion, some grace, and give yourself some time to recharge a little bit (you’ll actually become more productive). Once you take that time to be intentional, find that clarity, peace and find time for yourself, you’ll actually become a better partner and be a better employee, etc. You can always reach out for some help from a professional, you are not alone!
