The Essential First Fight With Your Partner to Strengthen Your Relationship

Let's explore a crucial aspect of relationships—the significance of healthy disagreements. It's not about what you argue about; it's about how you approach the disagreement that truly matters.

Consider this scenario: an engaged couple having a recurring conflict over spending weekends with future in-laws. This point of contention has exacerbated over the years, leading to tension and discomfort. The disagreement surfaces: one desires more personal time post-wedding, while the other values the longstanding tradition of family Saturdays.

In such moments, the air thickens with tension. But who is right, and who should prevail? The answer is neither! This fight is about control, and ultimately, it's about nothing specific. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, philosophies, preferences, and needs. This disagreement is likely to persist throughout the relationship, surfacing in various areas. Insisting on winning in such conflicts is a collaborative failure, leading to anger on both sides.

These disagreements may be dismissed as typical pre-marital stress, but failing to embrace openness and having attempts at control can have devastating consequences.The couple might contemplate ending the relationship if such conflicts escalate without reaching a respectful compromise that honors both individuals' wishes. It's crucial to consider the repercussions of insisting one way or the other. Insisting on having everything you want, to the detriment of your partner's wishes, could lead to heartbreak.

As relationship stress emerges, and small issues trigger snippy responses, pause and ask yourself: "Is this fight about something genuinely important, or is it about something trivial, and my partner won't do as I wish?"

If the issue falls into the "not critically a dealbreaker " category, be aware that it could create a wedge between you two. Dr. Gottman emphasizes that marriage involves combining two different people creating a shared experience of love. This experience is when two different people are co-creating an entirely new culture, and both of their preferences have to be respected.Transitioning and combining philosophies may lead to unnecessary fights, but it doesn't have to be a war. It can be done respectfully, emphasizing the importance of addressing concerns rather than ignoring personal needs or demanding unity and being on the same page.

Unfortunately, many couples wait 2-3 years before seeking help. If you're struggling, addressing these issues sooner is almost always beneficial. Learning how to engage in healthy arguments, even before major conflicts, can make your relationship stronger. It's crucial to address concerns and not ignore them. In your relationship, self-awareness and the willingness to accept responsibility for your impact on your partner and the relationship are important.