Unlock The Power of Appreciation: Catch Your Partner Doing Right
Picture a habit capable of transforming your marriage or long-term relationship – it's not an exaggeration to say it's a game-changer! Many couples I work with find themselves immersed in the demands of parenting, careers, and the absence of family support, leaving little time for connection at the end of the day.
After a hectic day, navigating through dinner, and putting the kids to bed, you may find yourself with minimal energy or inclination to reconnect. Perhaps your partner's habits start to grate on you, triggering irritation. They might forget to clean up after themselves, neglect to check schedules, or engage in behaviors that drive you up the wall.
I often encourage my clients, as I am encouraging you now, to start small. Make it a practice to catch each other doing something right. Express gratitude for the little things, fostering a positive environment. Clients who embrace this habit often return with a more positive mindset, surprised at the profound impact of this small change.
They share how, despite being as busy as ever, they feel less alone and unappreciated. By intentionally focusing on what their partner does right, they feel seen, noticed, and valued. Instead of viewing each other through a lens of irritation, they begin to look at each other with eyes of gratitude.
This small but intentional investment acts as deposits into the emotional bank account of your relationship, fostering positive feelings. However, if your relationship has a history of negativity and criticism, building a culture of appreciation becomes a daily commitment. Understand that this process might feel unnatural initially, as most of us have evolved with a bias toward negativity.
Here are steps to incorporate this practice into your daily life:
Reflect on your partner's actions over the past week and identify a few things they did right.
Express your gratitude for these actions, no matter how small.
Make it a habit by setting reminders or incorporating visual cues in your daily routine.
Remember, fondness and admiration, as highlighted by Dr. Gottman, are crucial elements in creating a rewarding and lasting romance. We all crave to feel liked, seen, and appreciated, and expressing gratitude is a powerful means to nurture these sentiments.
As you navigate the inevitable conflicts in your relationship, practicing gratitude can make those tough moments more manageable. When you feel genuinely appreciated by your partner, you're more likely to approach conflicts with mutual respect and understanding.
In conclusion, if frustration with your partner prevails, actively seek and acknowledge the small, positive actions they take each day. Release the eye rolls and sarcasm, express genuine thanks, and persist in this practice until it becomes second nature.
